just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
