I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
