the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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