we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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