She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
