PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
