I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
