I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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