Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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