So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Farmville is her only friend.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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