I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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