Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
