I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I need moral support for this bender
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
