Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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