its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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