just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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