forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
and she was petting her beer can
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
