check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
