Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
