my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
