He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
