Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
