i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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