he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
