i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
