I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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