Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
