I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Every concussion has its silver lining
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
