No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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