Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
