Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
