New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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