Your face is a jimmy john
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
