Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Randomize
