Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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