You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
