Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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