I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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