SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Still dying that you shit outside
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
