she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
