I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
