this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
She needs sedatives and a leash
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
