HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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