you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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