based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What a dumb baby whore.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
