This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
