guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
