For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
