Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
