One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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