Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
