you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
